Maradona’s Potty Mouthed Tirade
Maradona has written an outlandish apology asking for forgiveness from FIFA during the hearing into his postmatch profanity-filled tirade after Argentina’s World Cup qulaification. It’s a good read, almost as good as the outbust itself and is coursety of Jonathon Wilson at the Faster Times:
“Mis amigos, I cannot tell you how splendid it is to be here in Zurich. The mountain air, the sea breezes, the generous banks, the tick tock of your Rolexes, the fine chocolate; I come to you a humble and humbled man. Last month, when I apologized to all the women in the world I knew in my heart of hearts that it was not enough. The men of the world deserve to hear from me too. But first a word or two in my defense for I have done the state some service, and they know it. When, after the game against Uruguay, I told those scum of the Fourth Estate that they could all suck my cock and keep on sucking it I meant nothing untoward! Nada! In Villa Fiorito, where I grew up, it was simply my grandmother’s way of calling us in to dinner after she had throttled, gutted and cooked one of the local roosters. I am a generous man with a good heart and in Montevideo I had planned a great victory feast for my journalist friends, roosters donated by local cock-fighting impresarios, cooked on a spit like suckling pig, then skewered for easy sucking. And in any case in lunfardo a “cock” is actually a great man, a proud and strutting rooster cocksman. The President of Argentina herself would be proud to be called a “cock” even though she doesn’t have one. But I apologize also and especially to her for the shame and disgrace that the misinterpretation of my words and gestures- -for those of you who have seen the Youtube video of the team bus my eyes were wide, my mouth open and my hand moving like that because I was dreaming of swallowing chorizos with red peppers as that is always how I celebrate a victory! But in any case, gentlemen of Zurich, I ask you, was it not Jesus himself who said “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone?” Is there one among you who can honestly say that there has never been a time when his chorizo has got the better of him? We have beautiful minds, mis amigos, but treacherous bodies. And the truth is I never left you, through all my wild days, my mad existence, I kept my promise… I’m sorry, the emotion of this occasion has carried me away. My neutral Swiss friends, some people say you are cowards. I say you are the bravest of men, honest and faithful right up to the end. If you were horses I would ride you, but in a heterosexual way, the wind in our gaucho faces, tears of remorse streaming down our cheeks. Dark swallows will return, but my ill judged words and gestures, they’ll not come back. Give me one more chance and I promise to remain on the sidelines, silent, absorbed, my chorizo tiny as a Brazilian garrincha inside my tracksuit. Disculpame!”
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